月

I'm suffering from chronic boredom. I am not sure when did everything start but the fact that I can stand not doing things I used to love doing is a proof of it. Look, I used to draw a lot when I was in high school. Now, I get bored right away after five minutes. Even watching films bore me now. I have this thing before where I will watch one film every other day because I want to widen my movie vocabulary but just a minute after, I already find myself pausing the video, looking for something else to do. Even reading became a hard task for me. I can finish a book in a day or two back then but now, one book takes me a month or more! I feel so bad about myself. I want to do a lot of things but I can't even stick to one because I easily get sick of it.

It's really hard living like this. As much as I want to achieve a lot, this constant feeling of boredom is limiting me. I really want to break out of this shell but how? I've read in an article that I need to learn how to live in the present so I tried meditating. But honestly, I don't think it worked for me. My mind is always flowing with thoughts. Don't take this as a one size, fits all thing though because I only meditated for a week. But see? That's the limit on how long I can do something. After that, I'm back to the state where my mind is looking for something else to do again. It's a never ending cycle and I wish I know how to stop it.

I do know there's no way to eradicate it completely. But according to an article I just read recently, there are ways I can do to manage it. The article suggested to drop the hobbies that you don't find joy in doing anymore and just focus on what makes you feel interested and I must say, I'm pretty convinced. I started questioning myself about the what ifs. What if it's really because I'm being too ambitious for having multiple hobbies? If I let go of everything else, will I finally manage to do what I chose to keep? I honestly don't know yet so I'm going to do it – let go of the hobbies that I can't find joy in doing anymore.

Actually, I've already decided what I want to keep doing – study Japanese, write in this blog and my other blog and read books with a mindset that I won't focus on how long it will take me to finish it. I can't guarantee that I won't get bored anymore after cutting it down to three but I feel like this will help me manage my boredom better. I really hope it does.